Thursday, 3 May 2018

D-24

Segala puji bagi Allah, Tuhan langit dan bumi serta yang berada diantara kedua- duanya.

Yup, tinggal 24 hari lagi sebelum melangkah ke dewan peperiksaan serta hospital Taiping/ Seberang Jaya/ Penang untuk menghadapi peperiksaan tahun akhir pelajar perubatan. 25 hari lagi sebelum mengakhiri title 'pelajar perubatan'.

Perasaan?

Tempoh hari dah penat dapat panic attack. Tapi, lepas baca perkongsian seorang akhawat tentang hadis menanam kurma, terus rasa bersemangat dan tidak mahu berputus asa dengan Allah.

Bukanlah usaha saya yang menetukan kejayaan saya, tetapi Allah. Boleh jadi belajar siang malam pagi petang tetapi waktu exam Allah takdirkan kita lupa. Boleh jadi belajar banyak tetapi tak faham- faham. Sedih jelah kalau macam tu. Saya selalu berharap agar ilmu yang dipelajari ini Allah berkati. Naqibah pernah pesan, tawakkal itu bermula saat sebelum berusaha lagi, sebab dalam konteks saya ni, untuk faham sesuatu topik dan penyakit pun, memerlukan tawakkal dan redha Allah.

Tak dinafikan sunnatullah di dunia, we earn what we sow. Man jadda wajada, man zaro'a, hasoda. Nak jadi sangat muslim yang berusaha seperti tak kenal erti tawakkal tetapi pada masa yang sama sangat bertwakkal seperti tidak pernah mengenal erti usaha. Nak kumpul pahala usaha banyak- banyak. Nak faham apa yang dipelajari supaya bila mula bekerja nanti, sekurang- kurangnya ilmu ini dapat diaplikasikan untuk menyelamatkan manusia lain. Nak jadi asbab seseorang manusia sihat, lantas digunakan kesihatan untuk kebaikan disekelilingnya. (yang mana tak jadi lagu tu, tak mengapalah. Dah tugas doktor untuk memberikan perkhidmatan yang terbaik)

Rasa macam, ya Allah, jauh sudah Kau bawa aku. Dulu selalu rasa tak layak nak ambil medic ni sebab saya bukanlah pelajar yang begitu cemerlang, cerdik atau bijaksana. Tetapi itulah, mungkin ada benda Allah nak ajar dan jadikan saya melalui asbab bidang ini. Moga dengan reason ini juga, Allah ganjarkan saya syurga, amin.

How do I keep my motivation progresses? 

1) Schedule. 
Have a planner, try to arrange your schedule and target in the planner. Primary goals, what to achieved should be clearly stated in it Me sometimes put a brief ideas/ plans on what I wanna achieve per day in my head. At the same time, I'll keep lists of topics to make sure I don't overlook or miss important topics.

2) Have a good rest and sleep.
My principle about this stays the same since I was in secondary school; sleep rest, eat well and have some time to yourself apart from studying. I will try my best not to sabotage my sleep pattern because I know my mind will be so messy the next morning, ruining my mood and makes me unproductive. Remember, it's the productivity we want to maximize in preparing for the exams. Food wise, I try not to hunger myself. I usually take lesser portion of rice but enough to make my tummy full. This to prevent sleepiness/ tummy pain due to overeating.

I dislike coffee. But for the exam sake, I take some to sustain my concentration and make me awake. Usually I''ll take in the morning or in the evening, before 7/8pm. My coffee tolerance is very low; meaning, I can stay awake with coffee for more than 5 hours. Drink loads of mineral water and in the meantime, I try to cut off my sugar intake. (But I take tin coffee so it's not good but I have to, to reduce my time making my own coffee lol)

Disclaimer: Dear self, I promise to eat clean, exercise and leave coffee after the exam haha.

3) Take care of relationship with God. 
Solat cuba untuk pada awal waktu. Baca Al- Qur'an hari- hari sambil memaknai ayat- ayat Allah dengan hati. Perbanyakkan doa, istighfar, amalan-amalan nawafil. (Bukan waktu exam je okay buat benda ni haha. Lepas exam pun kena jaga hubungan dengan Allah)

I always think that without Allah's will, I won't able to understand and achieve things I wanna achieve in my studies and life. Plus, talking to Allah has always make me feel calm, happy and confidence. He is the All Hearing kan?

Time solat, sedaya upayalah kosongkan hati daripada mengingati hal- hal dunia. Letakkan ia di belakang, dan berterima kasihlah kepada Allah, for things you have gotten in that day.

Contohnya, saya selalu fikir, 'Ya Allah, terima kasih kerana berikan saya peluang untuk faham tajuk peripheral arterial disease melalui study group saya' ataupun 'terima kasih ya Allah kerana beri saya kesempatan untuk buat latihan past years dengan masa yang tidak banyak pada hari ini'.

Something like that la. I don't know. This is my way. Jaga mutaba'ah amal dan jangan ponteng usrah! (selagi boleh pergi, mohon pergi. Usrah itu juga satu sumber kekuatan untuk saya bertahan sepanjang di medical school ini)

4) Jaga hubungan dengan orang sekeliling
Bukan kita seorang sahaja nak exam. Dan hidup kita ni, bukan tentang diri kita sahaja. Jadi, bila rasa nak marah atau annoyed dengan orang, sebaiknya tahan (telanlah) marah itu, atau salurkan perasaan negatif itu dengan cara yang baik. Macam talk about it kepada orang yang kita percayai atau simply istighfar, rationalize and weigh the reasons behind it. 

Bila ada peluang untuk buat baik, buatlah baik dengan sebanyak- banyaknya. Orang suka dan akan mendoakan kita. 

Well, itu je kot setakat ni saya nak share. 


Jadual peperiksaan terakhir di PMC. 

Doakan kami semua ya! Doakan kami berjaya dunia dan akhirat insyaAllah. Doakan kami dapat jadi doktor- doktor yang soleh wa musleh insyaAllah. :)

MPH library,
PMC
8.47pm

Tuesday, 10 April 2018

Jalan penantian.

Kukira, Dia mendengar untaian doaku
Mungkin juga doa- doamu
Jauh sudah kita telusuri jalan ini
Jalan penantian kelihatannya seperti tiada titik penamat
Kerana ia bagiku,
sangat jauh ini, ditemani keraguan,
yang kadang- kadang singgah di hujung minda.

Namun, 
saat hampirnya aku kepada putus asa,
berserah sepenuh jiwa raga,
Dia mengirimkanmu ketika minda jiwaku
sedang dilanda ribut keserabutan.

Kata- katamu tidak meleret-leret dengan janji manis,
tidak pula kedengaran indah,
sehingga mampu membuai-buai,
hati seribu anak dara diluar sana,
tetapi cukup untuk menghentikan denyutan tidak sekata,
arus- arus negatif serta,
prasangka- prasangka buruk aku kepada Tuhan,
juga kepadamu.

Kukira,
Dia sedang menjawab untaian doa-doaku,
yang memenuhi ruang legar atmosfera,
seorang wanita yang sangat lemah,
dan tidak bisa menilik masa hadapan,
melainkan dengan menyerahkan ketentuan,
kepada pemilik mereka.

08042018





Saturday, 17 March 2018

Of soul and its medication

I love surah Maryam and surah Yusuf so much. These two surahs are my companion during study time. It never fail to put my anxiety and nervousness at ease and make me calm. 

I think, Al- Qur'an is a companion that won't leave you alone, as long as we don't choose to leave it alone too. A loyal, trusted and sacred friend from above. 

May Allah guide my heart to make use of Al- Qur'an wisely and may it becomes my forever companion in the Hereafter insyaAllah.

I don't want to only know and read it, but I also want to understand, memorize and practice what the Qur'an preaches. 

May Allah make and choose me as among those who love and practice what the Al- Qur'an said. Ameen. 

Monday, 12 February 2018

Khabar daripada rindu.

Pada kerinduan yang sering bertanya khabar,
Aku bungkam, kelu untuk menjawab pertanyaan yang tiba.

Hati terasa desah untuk menyambut,
perkhabaran rindu dari angin selatan,
Membuai-buai palung hati yang lohong

Besar tapak tangan, nyiru saya tadahkan.

Terima kasih untuk penantian yang sepertinya,
Tidak kunjung tiba.
Terima kasih untuk harga kesetiaan,
Yang teramat mahal nilainya.
Terima kasih untuk kesabaran,
Yang tidak pernah berkurang, bahkan lebih baik.

Saat mentari naik,
Aku mahu lebih menjadi hamba Dia yang bersyukur,
Kerana kehidupan yang diberikan indah,
Dan bertambah indah dengan hadirnya kamu.

Namun buat masa ini,
Aku hanya mampu menyahut perkhabaran rindu
Dengan doa-doa seusai solat
Doa-doa sepertiga malam
Doa-doa saat langit mula menangis
Juga doa saat kau singgah difikiranku.

Buat masa ini juga,
Aku harus membiarkan ketukan yang sering bertamu
Kerana kupunyai impian yang mahu kukejar
Dan kerana masanya masih belum tiba
Untuk aku membuka pintu, menyambut seruan rindu.


Sabar. It will come at the right time, at the right place in a right way. 
InsyaAllah. 
🌼




Friday, 9 February 2018

Of medicine and advices.

It has been quite some time since I last posted anything in my blog. Jan 2018 is my adaptation phase in accepting the fact that I am no longer 2* years old. I feel so old. I have no big achievements yet and I am still waiting for my current ultimate dunya goal (lol) to be achieved in the upcoming July.

Guess what?

Yup. To graduate medical school with flying color and to prevent massive dissipation of basic medical knowledge while waiting for the hospital posting. 

Therefore, entering 2018 has flickered some kind of uncomfortable feelings like doubt, low self- esteem or sadness of unknown origin due to my title as "FINAL YEAR MEDICAL STUDENT" yet positive thoughts keep on coming in, in between the former one. Alhamdulillah, all praise to Allah, The One who has brought me up until current point. Who would've thought I could pass all of my paediatrics, obstetrics & gynaecology, psychiatry and public health rotation successfully? (Successful here, from my own definition means no need to resit for papers due to failure in the first attempt)

Knowing myself as a slow student, it was tough and challenging. But alhamdulillah Allah has given me loads of supports from many aspects. 

I once had asked for advice and posted such request to my facebook timeline because at that time, I feel so hopeless and the thoughts of "I cannot do medicine/ I cannot pass final exam" always bothering me and sometimes I break down whenever I think about it. I did not expect many responses from my facebook friend because I thought, "Who cares". lol. So I just posted it for the sake of doing it la. Haha. I remembered a hadith that talked about the rights of muslims to his/her brother/sister muslims. So I wanted to proclaim my rights! Haha 

Interestingly, the responses were beyond my expectations. Many people commented the post and all of it are full with positive vibes, words of wisdom and encouragement. I was so touched and I feel very contented. I feel loved. And the feeling after being advised makes me feel I am somewhat important, and it is great to know there are people outside there who are still care about you, even though they maybe far away from you. All in all, I believe it is Allah who has moved their hearts to do such thing. :') (Cries)

This is from my Facebook page.

These are the responses I received;

"Hold on. Whatever it is, just hold on. Whatever comes, hold on. I don't have any good advice since I'm weak myself. But those are what I kept on telling myself everyday"

"The mercy of Allah is an ocean. Our sins are a lump of clay clenched between the beaks of a pigeon. The pigeon is perched on a branch of a tree at the edge of the ocean. It only has to open its beaks"

"Tanamkan sifat yakin hanya kepada Allah dalam hati, keluarkan kebesaran dan kelebihan makhluq dari dalam hati, masukkan keagungan dan kekuasaan Allah dalam hati, kerana yang akan keluar di akhir hayat nanti adalah apa yang di dalam hati." 

"Dont be afraid of going slow, afraid of standing still! Slow progress is better than no progress"

"smile no matter how hard, even u are broken. Coz atleast u made someone's day. Sashuuuuu I think thats ur super power! bringing sunshine to people's life  miss u!"

"Do something positive everyday"

" just do ur best and never worry about things u can't control because worrying does nothing but interfere with ur happiness"

"Life brief candle"

"always remember HIM, HE always give us what we need"

"In a world where you can be anything, be kind, always."

"Hi akak may Allah bless youu"

" You’ll be fine"

"Tajdid/refresh niat selalu Sarah, supaya setiap benda yang kita buat worth enough"

"be the best you can be, which-knowing you- is better than you'd think"

"jagalah (hak2) Allah, Allah akan menjagamu"






"كل شيء من الله خير "💕💪



"Ada kebahagiaan pada hari esok, inshaAllah. 💓Cry once, smile million times"

"Things will only get harder. You too, will become stronger. If he puts you into a situation, He will definitely put you through it."

"Setiap apa yang berlaku mesti ada hikmah dariNya. Don't ever give up! Allah tu tak kejam 🙂 He knows best"

"Count the blessings,evnthough it's countless. Ignore the tribulations eventhough it's countful"


Lovely isn't it?

I engraved these words in my blog because they are so profound to me. :)

I will open back this post re- read the advices to help me holding on with my life. Thank you all :)


Sunday, 7 January 2018

It's 2018!

Alhamdulillah, never thought I had a chance to walk into year 2018. I have no specific expectations in this year. I just hope for the best, the best version of me to be shaped in 2018, insyaAllah.

Please pray for my success and prosperity. Really need it.

Tuesday, 14 November 2017

The odd and interesting request

When my late grandfather was diagnosed with diabetes mellitus in 2000, I asked my grandmother, what is diabetes mellitus (or also known as ‘kencing manis’ in Malay language)? I was so curious with the name of the diagnosis. Why ‘kencing manis’? Is it because there were too many sugar in the urine that makes it taste sweet? Why people do get diabetes mellitus? Plus, when my late grandfather passed away due to myocardial infarction, I keep on asking my mother the details and mechanism of the death.

As I was strolling through my secondary school, I learnt that sciences subjects made more sense to me because it has definitive answers to my questions about living things, ranging from the function of cells until the process of rusting through redox reaction. Since then, I was intrigued to know more about human physiology and anatomy. Plus, my curiosity about the ailments my family had couldn’t be answered until I entered medical school. The satisfaction of knowing the pathophysiology of a disease and how to deal with it with proper treatment and intervention makes me feel happy and appreciate the life given by God profoundly.

To be a doctor, I believe is a life long journey as a student as well. There is no finish line in the pursuit of knowledge about human and diseases. Besides that, I love interacting with human. To contribute and see the impact I made to their lives is satisfying. I observed and appreciate this kind of positive feeling when I was doing volunteering work, be it in medical field or not.


The road is not easy. There will be death, pain, and sadness throughout the journey of being a doctor. There will always be circumstances and I appreciate that we will not always happy with our life. But, to give and spread happiness to others, I hope it will ripple back to me when I am in dire need of it. 

**********************

My ad hock and brief explanation of why I wanna be a doctor. A HOD of a department from a hospital asked me to write this (handwritten, lol). His request is quite interesting, making me look back and tajdid my niyyah for a longer journey ahead. 

Anyway, I still feel insufficiency in terms of knowledge and skills to face the very final semester final year. Please make a lot of prayers for me and my friends ya? :)