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Pujuk hati.

I think I'm a master in putting my heart at ease. But at times, I feel rebellious, sulky and upset with the things I have to face, to accept and to put up with. So, nak pujuk hati pun ambil masa. Air mata peneman yang baik pada waktu-waktu begini. Mungkin sebagai peringatan dari Tuhan, segala yang kita ingat kita miliki, mampu kawal atau punyai, tidak kekal selama-lamanya. I guess, to stay strong is the only choice I have. So, let's stay strong, dear self 😔

To look beyond anger.

Situation 1 Went to a food truck to buy laksa penang for my mother. Parked in front a car service shop, I asked for a permission from the owner (since car park was hard to find at that time), saying it won't be long as the food truck is just nearby the shop. He nodded and I was determined to make my errand shorter as I promised.  With a smile, I greeted the female owner (I guess so. Another person there is a male, the one who cooks, maybe they are husband and wife). She noted my order and I saw she put the gravy into a  small transparent plastic bag. Well, there were only two customers. I came first, followed by a lady and she placed 4 orders, maybe a dinner for her family. Right, I was expecting the order to be done for less than 5 minutes. And guess what, it took her more than 10 minutes to prepare my order. Okay, to make thing more interesting, I was scolded by her, because I think she ought me to be impatience which I was, at that time didn't portray any action

D-24

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Segala puji bagi Allah, Tuhan langit dan bumi serta yang berada diantara kedua- duanya. Yup, tinggal 24 hari lagi sebelum melangkah ke dewan peperiksaan serta hospital Taiping/ Seberang Jaya/ Penang untuk menghadapi peperiksaan tahun akhir pelajar perubatan. 25 hari lagi sebelum mengakhiri title 'pelajar perubatan'. Perasaan? Tempoh hari dah penat dapat panic attack. Tapi, lepas baca perkongsian seorang akhawat tentang hadis menanam kurma, terus rasa bersemangat dan tidak mahu berputus asa dengan Allah. Bukanlah usaha saya yang menetukan kejayaan saya, tetapi Allah. Boleh jadi belajar siang malam pagi petang tetapi waktu exam Allah takdirkan kita lupa. Boleh jadi belajar banyak tetapi tak faham- faham. Sedih jelah kalau macam tu. Saya selalu berharap agar ilmu yang dipelajari ini Allah berkati. Naqibah pernah pesan, tawakkal itu bermula saat sebelum berusaha lagi, sebab dalam konteks saya ni, untuk faham sesuatu topik dan penyakit pun, memerlukan tawakkal dan r

Jalan penantian.

Kukira, Dia mendengar untaian doaku Mungkin juga doa- doamu Jauh sudah kita telusuri jalan ini Jalan penantian kelihatannya seperti tiada titik penamat Kerana ia bagiku, sangat jauh ini, ditemani keraguan, yang kadang- kadang singgah di hujung minda. Namun,  saat hampirnya aku kepada putus asa, berserah sepenuh jiwa raga, Dia mengirimkanmu ketika minda jiwaku sedang dilanda ribut keserabutan. Kata- katamu tidak meleret-leret dengan janji manis, tidak pula kedengaran indah, sehingga mampu membuai-buai, hati seribu anak dara diluar sana, tetapi cukup untuk menghentikan denyutan tidak sekata, arus- arus negatif serta, prasangka- prasangka buruk aku kepada Tuhan, juga kepadamu. Kukira, Dia sedang menjawab untaian doa-doaku, yang memenuhi ruang legar atmosfera, seorang wanita yang sangat lemah, dan tidak bisa menilik masa hadapan, melainkan dengan menyerahkan ketentuan, kepada pemilik mereka. 08042018

Of soul and its medication

I love surah Maryam and surah Yusuf so much. These two surahs are my companion during study time. It never fail to put my anxiety and nervousness at ease and make me calm.  I think, Al- Qur'an is a companion that won't leave you alone, as long as we don't choose to leave it alone too. A loyal, trusted and sacred friend from above.  May Allah guide my heart to make use of Al- Qur'an wisely and may it becomes my forever companion in the Hereafter insyaAllah. I don't want to only know and read it, but I also want to understand, memorize and practice what the Qur'an preaches.  May Allah make and choose me as among those who love and practice what the Al- Qur'an said. Ameen. 

Khabar daripada rindu.

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Pada kerinduan yang sering bertanya khabar, Aku bungkam, kelu untuk menjawab pertanyaan yang tiba. Hati terasa desah untuk menyambut, perkhabaran rindu dari angin selatan, Membuai-buai palung hati yang lohong Besar tapak tangan, nyiru saya tadahkan. Terima kasih untuk penantian yang sepertinya, Tidak kunjung tiba. Terima kasih untuk harga kesetiaan, Yang teramat mahal nilainya. Terima kasih untuk kesabaran, Yang tidak pernah berkurang, bahkan lebih baik. Saat mentari naik, Aku mahu lebih menjadi hamba Dia yang bersyukur, Kerana kehidupan yang diberikan indah, Dan bertambah indah dengan hadirnya kamu. Namun buat masa ini, Aku hanya mampu menyahut perkhabaran rindu Dengan doa-doa seusai solat Doa-doa sepertiga malam Doa-doa saat langit mula menangis Juga doa saat kau singgah difikiranku. Buat masa ini juga, Aku harus membiarkan ketukan yang sering bertamu Kerana kupunyai impian yang mahu kukejar Dan kerana masanya masih belum tiba Untuk aku membuka pintu,

Of medicine and advices.

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It has been quite some time since I last posted anything in my blog. Jan 2018 is my adaptation phase in accepting the fact that I am no longer 2* years old. I feel so old. I have no big achievements yet and I am still waiting for my current ultimate dunya goal (lol) to be achieved in the upcoming July. Guess what? Yup. To graduate medical school with flying color and to prevent massive dissipation of basic medical knowledge while waiting for the hospital posting.  Therefore, entering 2018 has flickered some kind of uncomfortable feelings like doubt, low self- esteem or sadness of unknown origin due to my title as "FINAL YEAR MEDICAL STUDENT" yet positive thoughts keep on coming in, in between the former one. Alhamdulillah, all praise to Allah, The One who has brought me up until current point. Who would've thought I could pass all of my paediatrics, obstetrics & gynaecology, psychiatry and public health rotation successfully? (Successful here, from my own

It's 2018!

Alhamdulillah, never thought I had a chance to walk into year 2018. I have no specific expectations in this year. I just hope for the best, the best version of me to be shaped in 2018, insyaAllah. Please pray for my success and prosperity. Really need it.