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Showing posts from June, 2017

The art of sabr and you.

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I learn a lot from you. I really do. Even though our encounter always start and end with silence, I love it. It does not utter words, but it speaks what's inside our heart and mind very well. I don't know how we could do that. Maybe because of the good intentions and acts you possessed, it contains barakah. The amount of respect I earn from you is unimaginable. Some might interpret it as ignorance, unromantic or dull. But I call it as the pure act of love, lillahita'ala. I think I know reasons behind of your choices, actions and silence. I believe all of it bounds by the fear and love to you Creator. Our Creator. Sometimes I could not fathom, how patience you can be, all these while. I need to learn the art of sabr from you, I really do.  I know you're not perfect, wrap in boundless of weaknesses and faults. But that does not make you any less human. Human err, so do I.  Though the future, sometimes seems bleak, vague

O my lost soul.

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I miss Ireland. I miss to let go my soul to fly freely and diffuse with the serene surrounding and mix with the refreshing thin air. I miss the sound of forest in Glendalough and the wind.  I was restless, uncomfortable and felt something is not accomplished yet, without exactly know what it is. Believe me, I tried and am still trying to figure out what my heart is going through.  I feel detach from my surrounding and I don't know why. I feel I am losing control over myself and I feel demotivated with a very vague reason. I feel away from my beloved God, maybe because I am sinning too much.  I am not drowning yet. I miss my old self; the one who is full with positive vibes, spirits, hope and strength.  I was literally staring at my laptop screen with unknown purposes, hoping to stumble upon some random reasons to keep in touch with the real 'world'. People see me as a normal lady, a cheerful person who wears her sweet smile all the time. I keep reminding